Think about the profoundness of that point. We do not always take enough time to evaluate what we saying with the newer technologies. We just send the message and hope for the best. That is not a good idea. Take time to say the message right.
Perhaps it is better to state the message in person. You want to see the nonverbal cues and deal with the issue face to face. Maybe a letter is a better means of conveying the message than an e-mail. You hear people say they want to fax their resumes. It could be time to follow up that fax with a hard copy in much better form of the resume. The world is not moving so fast that messages should not take time to be properly conveyed.
Cellular telephones should not be used in social gatherings where the host or hostess is clearly put out that business cannot be transacted at the office. Cellular telephone should not be used in place of face-to-face conversations because the medium of technology is easier to work with. Miss Manners also addresses the issues of call waiting and call forwarding as intrusive problems when working with the technology.
California Highway Patrol Names 911 and Cellular Faults
Television newscasters featured the five top impossible cellular telephone calls the 911 operators have to deal with. In order of importance, the five dumbest cellular calls follow:
- Did you page me?
- Why is there so much traffic?
- Can you give me directions?
- What is the weather like?
- Do you know the time?
Letitia Baldrige Sets the Standard
As I pondered the closing months of Summer, 1997, I was reminded of the rudeness of some students. They ask for an appointment and never show up. Special arrangements had to be made to come to the office. The student did not have the courtesy to call and say the appointment was not possible. You should always give a reason for breaking an appointment and reschedule if you can. Letitia Baldrige, author of three books on etiquette and a guru on the subject, recommends we always keep the promises we make. Your reputation is built on your ability to keep promises.
Some of the points from her book, Complete Guide to The New Manners for the '90s, are also worth noting. She believes you should be as nice to the people at the bottom of the organization as to the top. My Dad had a famous saying when he went into teaching: "Be nice to the custodians and the secretaries." I never forgot that advice, and, on many occasions, that advice has helped me improve etiquette. Baldrige phrases this niceness in the following way: "If you want to look at it clinically, every person in that office environment may be key to the advancement of your career (Baldrige, 74)."
To me Letitia Baldrige is the essence of manners, whether on David Letterman or meeting in person. At one point I attempted to collect Mrs. Baldrige's autograph. I was late getting to Downtown Los Angeles after teaching a class. Mrs. Baldrige was appearing at the Los Angeles Downtown Library as part of special programs. After parking, I raced into the library and the auditorium and found no Mrs. Baldrige. I had cradled her book, Letitia Baldrige's Complete Guide to Executive Manners, under my arm in hopes of the autograph. Suddenly, I saw her crossing one of the busy streets en route to a skyscraper restaurant. After entering the office building with the restaurant, I observed which elevator she took with a friend. After leaving the elevator on the second floor, I judiciously followed the two people to the restaurant entrance. You have to believe in your autograph dreams. I approached her cautiously; after all, I was dealing with the guru of etiquette. She graciously agreed to sign the book before she and her friend secured a table. That was the highlight of that afternoon.
Tom Snyder Interviews Baldrige
Tom Snyder on his late night talkshow had Letitia Baldrige as his guest. She commented on how people's rudeness has increased. Suppose you have someone who is giving you fits at work. The person is badmouthing you behind your back. What do you do? According to Baldrige, you draw that person aside away from the rest of the employees and say: "I know you are a good person. Perhaps we got started on the wrong foot. I don't like what you are saying about me. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Hey, you're hurting me. I want you to continue to be a good person and quit hurting me. What can we do to make our relationship more comfortable?" It takes courage to attempt what Baldrige is suggesting. How much better our world would be if we could communicate as human beings.
Tom talked to Letitia about the dangers faced with rudeness on the highway. Mrs. Baldrige believes that the suddeness of the rudeness on the highway creates a particularly terrifying situation. She also believes people do not pay attention when they are using cell telephones in their cars. Mr. Snyder told a funny story where an MG had cut off a Rolls Royce in a parking lot. The driver of the MG said to the Rolls Royce occupant: "I guess small cars will always win over big cars." The Rolls Royce driver proceeded to flatten the MG and replied: "I guess rich cars will always win over poor cars."
Mr. Snyder, the former newsman, asked about faux pas Letitia has experienced in her life. Mrs. Baldrige described a scene in Paris after World War II and during the Kennedy administration where the French ambassador was seated by her next to the French Ambassador's wife's lover. Obviously, that faux pas created a major diplomatic challenge. The American Ambassador to France noticed the error in time and reseated everyone before dinner was served.
Chris Evert Teaches Us Etiquette
You may have heard the name, Chris Evert. She won many U.S. tennis titles as well as four Wimbledons. We would call that effort an outstanding performance. At the moment Chris has joined with two other partners to form her own Tennis Academy. Chris was brought back to me as I was reading an airplane magazine. The article about her gave all kinds of tips on how to improve one's tennis game. What caught my eye was the statement about enforcing etiquette on the court.
Suppose you are playing an opponent who does not see the baseline balls and misses some of the close service calls. What do you do? You can tell the opponent to watch the calls more closely during the match. That will not necessarily endear you to your opponent. Chrisy's advice about how to handle the opponent's incorrect calls is worth noting:
"I would definitely say something between games. You don't want to get furious. But you might say something like, 'The pros have linespeople and we don't, so I'd appreciate it if you would take more care with your calls.' " (Sky, August, 1997, p. 78)
Mrs. Evert recommends we do not become doormats, but we remain polite. Think about this story the next time you want to tell someone off. Think about the other person's feelings and whether you can soften the blow. You can talk softly and firmly without irritating and permanently losing your opponent.
Local Papers Offer Dress-for-Success Advice
Frances Hersey, Acting Director of Career Services, Sweet Briar College, Virginia, provided some excellent, general tips on dressing for success at a job interview. Her ideas were featured in the Colorado Springs newspaper, The Gazette, Lifestyle section, August 11, 1997. Ms. Hersey believes we should always choose an outfit that is comfortable and that you look good in. She definitely considers it a no-no to use heavy perfume or heavy makeup. I will never forget a former colleague, a nice lady, who wore such heavy perfume you could smell the odor halfway down the hall. The perfume should only exhibit a hint of odor. It is the idea of not being objectionable with heavy eye shadow or extremely long nails.
Ms. Hersey picks up this concern about heaviness by stressing you should not cause a reaction to the prospective interviewer. For the women, she stresses simple jewelry. I would add that accessories should be kept to a minimum. Jingling bracelets, says Ms. Hersey, should be avoided at all costs.
Erin Brockovich Movie Causes Dress Fuss
When one sees the film, Erin Brockovich, the individual is immediately struck with the low-cut dresses and the short skirts. In terms of the modern office, is this effort the proper dress? At one point Erin Brockovich played by Julie Roberts enters a prestigious law office where conservative dress is the order of the day. The heads are turned. The question has to be asked: Do businesswomen succeed with low-cut tops and spiked heels? Before giving an affirmative answer (assuming a man), think about the implications for dress for success. No doubt young women desirous of becoming professional women see these kinds of media and expect to follow suit in the conservative office. The supervisors who oversee the dress codes are frustratingly forced to tell these young women the profession of "street walker" is not appropriate for this office. Patricia Ireland, president of NOW (National Organization for Women), tells her own thoughts about whether women are taken seriously with relaxed dress:"What you do should be more important than what you wear. You should be able to be taken seriously, no matter what you have one. In an ideal world. But we're not there yet." (Craig Wilson and Maria Puente, "Just Barely Dressed for On-the-Job Success," USA Today, 4 April 2000, D (Life), p. D1.)
The young women who dress as they feel comfortable may be making a mistake. One does not always look comfortable in spandex pants and halter tops. Women who parade these fashions may be asking for that dreaded sexual harassment. They cannot later lay the blame only at the man's door. The bimbo label influences other women who work in an office. In addition to the unfortunate labels these women place on the "comfortable" woman, the young professional woman may be accused of being flighty or too flamboyant (USA Today, 4 April 2000, p. 2D). Your work as a professional woman may be acceptable, but your dress may leave something to be desired. The debate continues with the generations of women and men.
Dress Casual Fridays Expand in Law Firms
The walls of corporate America are crumbling slightly with Casual Fridays and more men avoiding ties. Are you a "dot.com" company because you don't wear a tie? Not necessarily. A new standard is entering our lexicon: business casual. You hear major discount stores on TV tout how the boss and the major employees can now dress business casual. Lawyers in New York City, for example, are beginning to take advantage of these trends.Cadwalader, Wickersham & Taft is one of the law firms starting to go business casual all the time. The trends should be looked at carefully. I remember the days of John Molloy and other clothes gurus stressing the need for the power suit. One of my relatives recently went to a job interview where he was the only individual in the lobby wearing a tie and coat. The job concerned a computer technician position. People are questioning the standards they have worn for years. It can be argued that a business casual dress has made many employees more comfortable and more productive.
The trends of changing the power suit of the 1980s are not accepted by everyone. The issue becomes one of shooting oneself in the foot (Terry Pristin, "The Suits Loosen Up, a Bit Uneasily," The New York Times, 6 April 2000, p. A25). Some employees who see Dress Casual Friday and business casual think they can wear any old slopply clothes, such as jeans, cutoffs, and workout clothes to work. The work establishment becomes cheapened by that attitude. A fine line has to be drawn about who meets the public and who does not. Terry Pristin in his article about business casual believes it takes a certain kind of planning to achieve that look. Softer lines of clothing and fewer ties may be the immediate impact of this business casual trend. I would still advise anyone applying for a middle level position, at least, to dress with a power suit and worry about the business casual after obtaining the job.
Stiletto Heels Need Wearing at Work--Maybe
Fashions continue to change at work. The Wall Street Journal (October 8, 1997) featured an article discussing how women's fashions are changing at work. Women of power who know they have arrived are feeling freer to wear four-inch stiletto heels to work as well as slit leather skirts. You have to ask yourself about the issue of promoting possible sexual harassment. Even such noted designers as Donna Karan believe that fashion has been stuck in the masculine. Women do not have to shop for mannish outfits anymore, such as shirts and certain tailored suits. They can exercise their femininity at work. Eyebrows continue to be raised, according to the Journal article. Stores like Macy's are stocking stiletto heels. Bloomingdale's and Dayton Hudson (Detroit) are stocking brown slit skirts with a red cat-eye print. Designers quickly explain that the trick to carrying off such feminine outfits in the workplace remains moderation. The designer, Cynthia Rowley, believes in invisible zippers "that can make a slit as short-or long-as a woman wants." Confidence and risk are involved in wearing these outfits. I would still say wear a uniform if you are applying for a position. You may choose the stiletto heels and slit skirts after you are hired, depending on the environment you encounter.
Make a Difference at the Dinner/Interview Table
In The Wall Street Journal for April 21, 1998, quite a long article by Hal Lancaster pinpointed major issues in etiquette business people face. One of the concerns always remains the dinner table or restaurant table. How does one act when presented with the menu and silverware? Should you salt and pepper your potato? When should you start eating? What should you avoid ordering from the menu? Is it appropriate to order soup or greasy foods? What is the purpose of my eating in the restaurant with potential employers or clients?All the previous questions deserve answers. Joanne Mahanes, career coordinator at University of Virginia's College of Arts and Sciences, tells of a student who lost a job opportunity because he salted his potatoes before tasting the food. The recruiter misinterpreted the action as hasty decision-making. That action suggests how subtle our nonverbal communication becomes. By the way, Ms. Mahanes offers table-manners training to students and corporate employees.
Business dining rules still apply. Don't start eating before your host. Work from left to right with the forks. Work from right to left with the spoons. From the menu don't order the most expensive item. Definitely don't order soup, greasy foods, or foods that might splatter. I would not order fish if you think you will deboning through your teeth the entire meal. Nothing upsets recruiters than food shot across the table. Ms. Mahanes tells the story about the "exploding cherry tomato" that shot across the table during a meal. I usually place a fork carefully in a cherry tomato to test the juices. I don't want that exploding tomato at any time. You are on trial when you eat a business lunch, especially if a potential employer is eyeing you.
Mr. Lancaster bluntly suggests you avoid ordering alcohol at the business lunch or dinner. Always remember this admonition when you sit down at an interview/business lunch or dinner: You are not there to eat. You need to provide polite conversation and listen carefully to what the recruiters or clients have to say.
Recruiting and Interviewing Create Need for Business Etiquette
Our own accounting faculty, especially Professor James Macklin, has offered some tips on dinner and business etiquette. With Professor Macklin's permission, I will share some of the choicest tidbits with you from the seminar.In total agreement with Professor Macklin, I think we need more business civility. You are often, especially in recruiting and interviewing situations, dealing with men and women who are much older than the typical college student. They expect you not to "get in their face" and create incidents unworthy of a professional college student. After all, as Professor Macklin phrased the situation, we don't want to appear as a group of irreverent teenagers.
You always have to face complex table settings when being recruited. The best policy is to work from the outside in. As I explained in another web site, I was once greeted with nine different pieces of silverware at a sitdown dinner in Montreal. You normally look to the oldest person at the table or the most knowledgeable for help and observation. Unfortunately, no one knew exactly what all the knives and forks were. It later turned out one of the knives was for the fish. The three utensils at the top of the plate are reserved for the latter part of the meal. That would include your dinner fork, and, in our case, a small utensil to help eat the ice cream and the cookie. I also discovered that French serving emphasizes the salad is served as the last dish of the night.
Professor Macklin caught my ear when he talked about the use of napkins. Let's say you want to dance or go to the restroom. What do you do with the napkin. His advice was simple: Place the napkin on your chair until you return. A question always arises: to what area do I pass the butter and the bread, for examples? You always pass to your right. Suppose the worst happens, the person next to you usurps your butter plate or your water glass. Don't immediately demand your glass or dish back, especially at a recruiting dinner. Kindly inquire if you could have the other glass or plate. Most people will see the error of their ways without your reminding them. I would add some points about assuming the boarding-house reach. Ask someone to pass you the salad dressing without your assuming the stance of reaching clear across the table to secure the precious dressing.
Menus usually give recruited applicants difficulty. Unless you are an expert at the French or Italian languages, for example, you may want to ask the waiter or waitress what certain words mean. Most servers will understand you are not an authority on words placed on the menu. It is important to understand what you want. I support Professor Macklin's ideas about not drinking hard alcohol at a recruiting dinner. Your purpose is not to get "plastered" before the dinner or the interview are finished. If you select wines, remember this general principle about wines. Red wine, in most cases, goes with red meat. White wine goes with the rest of the entrees. Sometimes people who are gifted with wine knowledge inquire whether to pick up the stem or the glass when drinking the wine. The red wine is considered "warm," so it is all right to pick it up by the glass. White wine requires the stem, because the beverage doesn't have to be warmed by picking up the glass side.
Avoid food that will get you in trouble. By this point, Professor Macklin means food with bones, especially chicken. I would also add bony fish (not filets) that require the eater to constantly remove bones from the teeth. Even worse, one of these bones might lodge in the throat. Also, you may be trapped as an applicant who is observed constantly sawing your meat. That kind of practice is frowned on by your evaluators. Years ago a book was published called Power Lunching: How You Can Profit from More Effective Business Lunch Strategy by Pensel and Dienhart. The noteworthy part of the book included Ligita Dienhart's scorecard on power (P) and wimp foods. Just for fun, place a "P" and a "W" before the following foods as to Dienhart's classifications:
- Anchovies
- Apple pie
- Fresh asparagus
- Bacon
- Avocado
- Beef Stroganoff
- Broccoli
- Brook trout
- Cabbage
- Casseroles
- Chateaubriand
- Chicken livers
- Fried chicken
- Chocolate cake
- Clam or fish chowder
- Corned beef
- Crepes
- Eggs Benedict
- Fondues (any)
- French fries
- Frog legs
- Baked ham
- Hamburger steak
- Guacamole
- Ice cream
- Lobster (half or whole)
- Mahi mahi (porpoise)
- Meat loaf
- Baked oysters
- Pancakes
- Pork chops
- Potatoes(baked)
- Potatoes (au gratin)
- Potatoes (mashed)
- Quiche
- Caesar salad
- Chef salad
- Waldorf salad
- Salmon steak
- Filet of sole
- Swordfish
- Spaghetti
- Spinach
- T-bone (rare)
- Turkey
- Strawberries
- Mixed vegetables
- Vichyssoise
- Zucchini
- Chili
- Sushi
Drinks:
- Bourbon (rocks or neat)
- Iced tea
- Tea
- Vodka (rocks or neat)
- Scotch (rocks or neat)
- Irish whiskey (rocks or neat)
- Club soda
- Margarita
- Manhattan
- Gin (rocks or neat)
- Coke
- 7-Up
How did you do? Did you spot all the wimp and power foods as well as drinks that Pinsel and Dienhart provided on their list? I will post the answers on another web site. For a more complete list please check out Power Lunching (Chicago, Illinois: Turnbull & Willoughby Publishers, Inc., 1983).
Etiquette Training Occurs at University of Denver
Just when I think enough has been said about the importance of good table manners at interviews and other places, new information occurs. Are you aware of what the University of Denver is doing with their MBA candidates? Forty students at the Daniels College of Business have to stare down at seared ahi tuna, champagne sorbet, a salad, filet mignon, and chocolate patevier. The whole idea is good manners make for good business. You are judged by how you eat. For example, should you eat the skin of the chicken? Is it okay to eat the skin of the baked potato?Elizabeth Craig, author of Don't Slurp Your Soup, a Basic Guide to Business Etiquette, has described a situation where a sales position slipped through a candidate's fingers because duck l'orange at a fancy restaurant was eaten with his hands. Daniels College at the University of Denver only offers a one-night leisure course, but the course is making a difference.
The issue becomes competition. Business etiquette is not taught as much as it should for the MBA student. People in business expect the candidate to be well versed in table manners. Unless a person has grown up in a home where table manners were stressed, the trauma of making mistakes can be horrendous. Hilka Klinkenberg, managing director of Etiquette International in New York, believes etiquette training for MBAs is not as common as it should be. Etiquette classes are beginning to fill at business schools.
(Associated Press--Gazette Telegraph), "In Business, You Are How You Eat"
Dr. McGraw Hits the Hammer
Consider reading Life Strategies sometime in your college or professional career. You may be surprised at the advice you are given. It is not the typical self-help book. I will comment on Dr. McGraw's words in the next passages associated with each rule. Dr. Phil McGraw from Texas gives his rules for living:- You either get it or you don't.
Comment: Life is not a mystery. No one teaches us how to live. In most cases, you teach people how to treat you. You need to stand up for yourself.
- You create your own experience.
Comment: If you are unhappy with your life, you created it. You create your own experience. If you are playing the game with sweaty palms, you are utterly powerless. The history of you is an excuse for giving you insight. We are living in too much victim society. You have to convince yourself you will no longer ride that roller coaster.
- People do what works.
Comment: You remember that a payoff occurs from what you do today. A payoff occurs at some level.
- You can't change what you don't acknowledge.
Comment: Get real with yourself. We have to stop making excuses.
- There is no reality, only perception.
Comment: You have to recognize you view the world through your own filters. The filters are most distorted when we view ourselves. Only you can choose to break your perceptions.
- Life is managed, not cured.
Comment: Ask: how well are you managing for 2000? You never arrive; it is a task you face. You are a life manager. Did you get it? It's over if you let it be over.
- There is power in forgiveness.
Comment: Look out for the walls we build, such as anger and hate. Those prisons lock us from the inside. Acknowledge what others have done to you, and say you forgive them for their transgressions. You are setting yourself free with that response. Break out of anger and resentment. You cannot carry these burdens every day. Say you are better than that.
- You have to name it before you claim it.
Brody Communications Makes Us Take Tough Quiz
In a recent issue of The Wall Street Journal (December 7, 1999), Brody Communications outside of Philadelphia prepared a special etiquette quiz. This quiz, along with its expanded version, is used with trainees from Fortune 500 and 100 companies to prepare the candidates for dealing with clients or special guests. You need to answer true or false to each question:- This is a proper introduction: "Mr. Boss, I'd like you to meet our client, Mr. Smith."
- It is appropriate to tell someone that his fly is open.
- Tasseled loafers are universally acceptable choices for men's footwear.
- Turning your glass upside down is an acceptable way to indicate you don't want more wine.
- You place your napkin on the chair when finished dining and leaving the table.
- Climate should be considered when choosing clothing.
- A host should let a guest go through a revolving door first.
- It is appropriate to keep a double-breasted jacket open.
Joe Booker Gives Life Lessons
Sometimes you read a piece in The Wall Street Journal (December 7, 1999) that piques your curiosity. Who was Joe Booker? Why is he important in this world? Joe Booker is identified as the first African American vice president, 58 years old, of Alteon Systems, a computer networking company. His homespun wisdom bears repeating. Let's look at his life lessons, as he calls them:- Understand what you're up against, and put in place a strategy to win.
Comment: Booker talks about his Air Force where he took the toughest assignment. He worked hard to ace every exam. When no one wanted the Doppler Radar job, he took it and learned a skill that helped him throughout his career. The message: Find something that will make a difference in this world. Don't be afraid to take on the tough assignments and succeed.
- Don't sacrifice understanding for speed.
Comment: When Mr. Booker went to work for IBM, he was sometimes accused of being a little slow. He pointed out to his superiors he wanted to learn the subject thoroughly. When the time came to help others understand the technology, Joe Booker could explain to others. The message: Take time to do the subject right. Learn all you can about whatever you are studying. Keep learning all your life for your benefit and others.
- You have to think of where you want to go. Does that take you there?
Comment: While working for IBM, Joe was offered several technical positions. He wanted management. When his boss left to go to Memorex, he followed. His boss allowed him to become a director, even though Mr. Booker didn't have all the educational credentials. The message: Make sure of your path in life. Don't take the first opportunity if it doesn't fit in with your overall scheme. Make sure you meet your goals. Check your goals once a month and once a year.
- If you set the bar high, even if you don't reach it, you end up in a pretty good place.
Comment: When employees grouse they cannot complete schedules, volunteer as Joe did to take on the difficult tasks. Once Mr. Booker bet his boss he could complete a disk drive project. Joe formed an alliance with the project manager and avoided some of the political squabbles currently brewing. The boss lost the bet and had to bake Joe a cake. The message: Look for problems that need solving in this world. Volunteer for jobs no one wants where you become the hero. Hedge your bets and do a good job. Your reward may come.
- You have to be brutally honest with yourself about what you know or don't know, what you can or can't do.
Comment: If you don't know a particular skill or knowledge, take some classes to learn more. Be willing to broaden yourself. How many of you would act like Mr. Booker and write your own self-appraisal? When Mr. Booker wrote a self-appraisal about spending too much time in meetings, he was being brutally honest. We now have a TV show about being brutally honest in school. Mr. Booker was always willing to leave a company where major disagreements occurred.
- The work is more important than titles.
Comment: How can we take Joe Booker's advice on this last life lesson? First, know what you want from a position. Make a laundry list of essential qualities that match your personality. Booker made such a list: good people to work with, ability to make money, a growing experience to avoid boredom, and a position where he could be successful. When any job, including the offered executive vice-presidency, didn't match his expectations, he went with a startup company, Alteon. He wants to become a builder, not a fixer. Have you listed your job requirements lately?
For further information, please check back on the home page for additional help, including resumes and employment communications as well as ethics.Last updated Friday, September 4, 2002
(c)copyright G. Jay Christensen, 1998, All Rights Reserved