Introduction To Divorce and Children:

As the numbers of divorces filed each decade have increased, psychologists have become very interested in how divorce affects a child mentally, physically, and emotionally. They have also studied long term and short-term effects of divorce on children. For example, according to some reports, children from divorced homes are more likely to become divorced themselves. Conversely, other studies indicate that the quality of the post divorce home is more responsible for subsequent development in children than the divorce itself (Del Campo, 2004). With mixed results like these, it is hard for psychologists to tell for sure whether divorce has either a positive or negative effect on children. As a result, this section will present both sides of the issue.

On the positive side, children from divorced families have been shown to benefit from their parents divorce if each parent is able to communicate effectively with each other and with their children. In addition, the parents must keep the children out of any squabbles unless it concerns them directly, such as in a custody decision. In these situations, children are more likely to do well during the divorce and are more likely to not exhibit many negative effects. On the negative side, however, children may feel that they have to choose sides or are still seeing tension between parents, which in the child’s eyes was supposed to be solved in the divorce. In these situations children may rebel or even go through a period of depression.

With such a wide spectrum of effects and situations, most psychologists agree that children having or lacking a sense of stability and a strong sense of family can help indicate whether a child will benefit or be at a disadvantage as a result of the divorce (Delcampo, 2004). In this paper, we will discuss the long-term and short-term effects on children as a result of divorce, and the positive and negative effects within those categories. We will also present suggestions teachers or caregivers can use when working with children that are going through a family divorce.

Section 2:

Implications of Divorce on Children:

This Section shows the short term and long term implications on children of divorced Parents. Besides the implications on the Child we will discuss some positive and negatives short-term effects on the children.

The short-term effects on a child after the divorce of parents are not always easy. There are different effects on a child depending on the reason for the divorce. Sometimes children understand more than adults might give them credit for. Children learn not only from what they hear, but also from what they see. Children understand the difference between happiness and sadness, so when they see another family smiling and they see their own family frowning with tears in their eyes, they start understanding the reason behind their parents’ divorce. When the divorce is the result of the unhappiness, which it normally is, the children become unhappy.

There are those children who are not very perceptive of the world around them, so when the separation of the parents comes, anger and hatred fills the heart of the child, usually directing it towards the parent that left, which is usually the father. Fear also enters the heart of a child after feeling deserted by one parent the child fears that the other might do the same (Kaslow, 1987). The child feels this way only because he or she doesn’t understand why this is happening so the child places the blame on the parent that left. These are only ways that it affects a child mentally, but there are also the effects that a child experiences physically.

Instead of experiencing anger and hatred toward the parent for deserting him or her, the child could become depressed because he or she may feel unwanted. The result of depression would be a lack of production in school, or the lashing out at other students or even teachers, even the lack of nutrition. The lashing out and the refusal to eat could also continue in the home directed at brothers or sisters, or even the chosen parent or babysitter. The lashing out would only include in retaliation by screaming, but it could also lead to violence.

Even though we always relate the effects of certain topics negatively, there are always positive effects in every situation especially in a topic like divorce and the effects it has on children. A child could possibly become more productive in school because there isn’t so much trouble at home. This is because there is more time with the single parent to ask for help with homework or just to communicate, which is if the adult is willing to communicate. Throughout life children could learn from the mistakes that his or her parents made. If the parents did not get along, the child would end up marrying a really close friend because they will get along and they have gotten along for the longest period of time.

The age at which the divorce happens for a child is also another factor that we must take into consideration. It is documented that it is easier for older children to deal with divorce than it is for younger children (Kaslow, 1987). This is not because older children are any smarter than the younger children it is merely because they understand it better. This is not to say that divorce does not affect them at all, it is merely to say that they make a quicker recovery to normalcy because they accept it and younger children have harder time understanding the consequences of divorce.

There are positive and negative effects that divorce has on older children. They still have fear but not as the younger children do. Older children fear that if they enter their own love relationships the result may be the same as their parents’. For this reason, they will be hesitant to enter a relationship. Now they may not feel unwanted, but they will feel that they are not a good enough reason for the parents to keep the family together. This is also positive affect because they will be more precautious in their choice for a mate, the result being a small percentage decrease in the number of unsuccessful marriages.

We cannot say that these are short-term effects on a child because something like divorce can and does change the perspective of a person for the rest of their lives. The effects may only show for a short period of time or at least until the child learns to accept the divorce, but some effects are always long term.

The Long-term effects of divorce in young children can range from very mild insecurities to enormous disturbances. Every child’s is unique in its own way. The factors are numerous, whether it is their parents, environment, schooling, siblings, extended family, and etc. All these factors have an impact on how a child will be affected by a divorce. The parents may be able to produce a good transition, or the teacher may recognize the problem at home and make sure the child does not fall in school, or the extended family could be the support for the children in their time of need. No matter what the influences there are many people that believe that there are certain affects that cannot be avoided.

Wallerstein (1985,1987) preformed a study of young adolescent’s children who were going through divorce. She did a follow up study five years later, which showed her that over two–thirds of the people were suffering from stress, and about half of the people felt that their lives were “destroyed by the divorce”(Zinsmeister, p.153). Her study went further to show that about one third was “still seriously disturbed” and another third went on to say that the divorce has given them psychological difficulties. Many of the people were still angry at their parents for the divorce, even though time had past, and people had moved on.

Wallerstein did another follow up study of the people ten years after divorce. Her results of the study after ten years were not so dramatic, but still you could see the effects of the divorce. About half of the People were now doing quite well for themselves. The other half had not been so lucky to get out of the slum, and reach their potential. The people in the middle seemed to being doing quite well for themselves in one are, but falling in another area. A good portion in both groups expressed little to no ambition in their future lives. Wallerstein said that these people “were entering adulthood as worried, underachieving, self-deprecating, and sometime angry young men and women.”(p.153) These results just show the actions that can occur for many, most of the people still suffered from any of these: depression, with drawl, dependency, inattention, unhappiness, neediness, vulnerability, sense of powerlessness, and sorrow over their childhood. Many of the people feared for their own future concerning marriage and child bearing, which could possibly lead to avoidance of marriage..

Guidubaldi and Perry (1985) conducted a survey and found that children of divorce are more likely to perform worse than those in intact families. Their study came to the conclusion that the children of divorce are more susceptible to “abuse drugs, to commit violent acts, to take their own life, and to bear children of wedlock.” The National Survey of Children backed of their survey, because they showed that two to fours times the normal society, children of divorce were under psychiatric care. They concluded that “80 percent of adolescents in mental hospitals, and 60 percent of the children in psychiatric clinics” were products of divorce.

When the child is suffering for much emotional and mental instability it can affect their surroundings; for example they’re schooling. A child who has gone through a divorce is twice as likely to repeat a grade, or they are even five times likelier to be expelled or suspended from their school at some point in their education. These disruptions in their early education can cause them not to be prepared to go on to college, or to have the knowledge and critical thinking of an adult.

Additionally children of Divorce may encounter difficulties with sexual identity. When the children are apart from their parents, they are not getting an equal amount of relationship with them. Studies show that boys seem to have more difficulty with this than girls. The boys are with their mothers the majority of the time, which makes it hard for them to develop relationships with male peers. This cause them long for their father more, or they feel “rejected by him”, or they become “uncertain about their masculinity.” These tendices can lead to commitment issues, problem developing intimacy, and a foundation for solitary lifestyles. For girls Zinsmeister describes a “sleepier effect” (p.155) that begins in adolescents, which could not have been detected earlier. Girls often develop problems with sexuality, pertaining to self-control, and intimacy. Many relate this with the absent of the father in the earlier stages of development. The girls long for a man to give her the love, and attention she did not receive from her father. Kalter (1985) found that the rates for running away, substance abuse, pre-martial sexual activity, and cohabiting before marriage are higher among girls of divorce.

We have now shown in this section the different implications that children encounter going through the divorce of their parents. Overall, the negative effects out weigh the positive effects on Children during the course of their parents divorce. These effects will impact the children through out the rest of their lives.

Section 3:

Informed Suggestions for Practioners:

Parental Absence is usually the main cause of any effect on children. This occurs because of the “loss of time, assistance, and affection provided by the noncustodial parent” (Amato, 2000). The loss of time comes from the children not being able to spend as much time with the parent as they would usually do. Assistance usually comes from the things they would do together and what the parent would help the child with. The last one is the lack of affection, and that happens because when the parent leaves, the children often blame the divorce on themselves. They often tend to think that the parent left them as well as their custodial parent; therefore they feel a lack of love.

There is also the parenting skill that gets affected. When a parent moves out, it has a psychological effect on the child, which leads to the opposite of having “ability to parent effectively” (Amato 2000). One parent might want the child to like them more, so they begin to spoil the child and convince them into thinking the other parent is bad. By doing this, the child may become confused or even rebel against the parents. This leads to no discipline from the parent’s part and the child may involve themselves into drugs or even alcohol. When parent’s divorce, the discipline that both parents provided in the marriage usually diminishes, this causes the children to get out of hand.

When parents decide to get divorced, there is usually a lot of anger involved within the family. The child is often put in the middle of the situation and he/she may feel unloved. Parents tend to often concentrate on the divorce and they forget that they have a child to care for. They get so caught up in their marriage and who gets what after the divorce, that they forget how the child feels. While this is happening, the child feels left out and may feel unwanted. This “lower[s] the well-being of children” (Amato, 2000). After the divorce, the parents start realizing that they have no control over the child and they get surprised at why the child is taking the wrong paths in life. Parents have to realize that their child is one of the most important people they should worry about and not concentrate on the divorce so much.

When parents separate and start living in different houses their living conditions often change. They can no longer afford the house they use to own together. This action “results in a severe decline in standard of living” especially for single mothers (Amato, 2000). A single parent’s income does not usually cover a big house, so they move into smaller houses or maybe even apartments. The living conditions cause the child to feel depressed or they feel that they do not have much money anymore. This may result in children withdrawing from a group of friends, because they feel embarrassed of how they live now. Also, the child may feel that their parents feel embarrassed of how they have to live now, which can cause depression for the child.

Other stress factors are also brought into a child’s life when parents get divorced. Stress can come from “moving and parental remarriage” (Amato 2000). Moving to a different house can be very stressful, especially if a child has lived there their whole life. Considering the fact that both the mother and father of the child live in different places, the child is torn in between the two. It would be hard to decide where to leave what and always pack while going from one house to another. They may feel as though they do not have a certain place to live. When parents remarry, it is usually very hard on the child. They feel like the new mother or father is trying to take their actual mother or father’s place. This can cause hatred and drama in the new family. Especially when a child’s father and new mother decide to have another baby, the child may feel that the father does not want him anymore.

There are many ways that children can cope with their parent's divorce to prevent long and short term effects on them. There are different programs and counseling centers that children can get involved in to help them deal with the divorce. Children need to know, that most of the time they themselves didn’t cause their parent divorce. Some children think they did cause it though and will become really emotional. In order for this not to happen it is important that adults do something about it, and that is were the programs and counseling can help.

There are different programs offered all over the country that will help a child to cope with their parents divorce. These programs are for helping children to understand what they are really going through and to help them cope with their emotions. For example, there is a program called Planet Divorce in California that is designed for children to come together and talk about what divorce really is. In this program, a group of children will come together to talk about their personal experiences with their parents divorce. These children will learn from each other and also figure out ways to cope with their parent's divorce. This program is mostly to show that there are other children in the same positions as them, and together they can come up with possible solutions to help them get through the divorce (Diamond, 2004).

There are other programs out there for both the child and their parent's. These programs are out there to help both the parent's and child to get through the divorce with out problems. These programs help teach the child about the divorce and the reasons why it may have occurred. It also helps the child to communicate with their parent's about ways that they can get through the divorce together. These programs are important for parents too. They will teach the parents how to act with each other around the child. These programs also give good information on how to deal with their child and their child's emotions during the divorce. Parents need to see that their children are very important when it comes to divorce, so going to programs and getting information isn’t a bad idea.

Besides programs, there are many counseling centers and therapists that are out there to help. The most common counseling we hear about is Family and Marriage Counseling. These counseling centers are for parents and their child to sit with therapists and talk about the divorce. They can come up with different strategies to cope with the divorce, were the children won't be affected. These sessions can inform the child about the reasons for the divorce and help the child to deal with any problems they may have. These conferences can really help the parents and children to talk about their feelings and find ways to not be affected by the divorce (Hartwell, 2003).

In addition to family counseling, children may need to go to individual counseling. Children who feel that the divorce was their fault or children who don’t know how to handle their emotions may need to see a therapist. Children who go to individual counseling can learn how to deal and cope with their parents divorce on a more personal level. They are able to talk one-on-one with a counselor to find ways that work for them to deal with the divorce. They can talk about how they feel and learn that really the divorce wasn’t their fault. Some children don’t know how to deal with their emotions and that's why it is important to have them go to counseling because they can't keep their emotions bottled up.

To get informed about different programs and counseling centers you can visit the Family and Marriage Counseling website at http://family-marriage-counseling.com. This website can give you good information on ways to cope with the divorce and also suggest possible counseling centers in your area to get help from (Hartwell, 2003). Remember there are different coping programs and centers, family counseling, and even individual therapy to help children with coping through the divorce process. But like mentioned before, you should tell your children that it isn’t their fault for the divorce and if they need help to cope with the divorce there are many programs out there to help.