"Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death"
"The more people I meet, the more I like my dog."
"Conserve toilet paper, use both sides."
"REHAB is for quitters"
"I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!"
"SAVE A TREE: Eat a beaver"
"Sex is a misdemeanor. . .the more I miss it, the meaner I get !! "
"According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist."
"Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill."
"Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have."
"A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory."
"How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
"I'm not as think as you drunk I am"
"Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal ! "
"Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."
"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy."
"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."
"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder..."
"3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."
"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"
"2 + 2 =3D3D 5 for extremely large values of 2."
"Auntie Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas, Taking the dog. -Dorothy."
"Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself."
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