ANS: Placement exam and/or for your degree or transfer program. A better answer can be found on your class syllabus.

FUS: This class is lame. I won't learn anything.

Resp: Yes. You probably won't.

FAQ: Why do I have to turn off my (insert device name)?

ANS: Your (insert device name) is disruptive.

FUS: I don't bother anyone with my stuff.

RESP: Yes, yes you do. You are just too busy to notice.

ANS: Read the section on grade policy.

FMS: My professor won't tell me what I am missing.

Resp: If you haven't been paying attention to both the syllabus and the grade policy, you are missing passing the class.

ANS: Crumbs fall into the keyboard, mucking up the works. Sticky drinks muck up the works and stain chair upholstery and the carpeting.

FUS: This is lame; I don't have time to eat before or after class.

RESP: Try sucking the crumbs out of the keyboard, thereby saving taxpayers replacement costs.

FAQ: What happens if I am late to class?

ANS: Not much the first week or two. But after traffic and parking have eased, after everyone should be in a regular routine, this happens. Since most class "business" takes place in the first ten minutes of class, students miss verbal assignments or reminders. Additionally, once we start working on papers, workshops are set up at the beginning of class. Being on time is not only important for the individual, but also for the group.

FUS: I can't control accidents.

RESP: Occasional absences are not the problem. Habitual tardiness coupled with lame excuses (such as traffic) tend to bring out the need for creative solutions.

ANS: 097 and 098 classes are required to submit a portfolio in pocket folders. An additional reason for all my classes: To keep all your hard work safe.

ANS: The English department requires 6 class meetings over the course of the semester. While we will be meeting online, the time must be stipulated ahead of time.