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» My girlfriend won't let me perform anal sex...
What is the maximum number of fingers...
I'm 21, she's just 17
EROS, My girlfriend won’t let me perform anal sex
on her. Is there any way to change her mind or convince her that
it is not going to permanently affect her anus? Signed, Chris
Chris, Your girlfriend may have heard
things from others about pain or discomfort and that may be holding
her back. One of the things women often complain about with anal
sex is the discomfort of getting past the sphincter muscle. If you’ve
ever been constipated, you know how much it can hurt.
of the first things we would suggest is respecting her decision
for now and just agreeing to keep the lines of communication open.
You might want to let her try it on you with a sex toy or a gloved
finger, and a) see how it feels from your vantage point, and b)
let her see if it really does feel good to you, she may be more
open to it.
you get beyond that stage, we would recommend LOTS of lubricant.
That can make or break an experience like anal sex. Not enough and
she will feel some discomfort.
might also want to broaden your foreplay area to include the perineum,
that patch of skin between the opening to the vagina and the opening
to the anus. The perineum can be quite responsive, and if that pleasures
her, she may be more open (literally and figuratively) to letting
you go farther south.
EROS, What is the maximum
number of fingers one should insert in a woman's vagina without
causing any damage (temporary or permanent)? Is it advisable to
even insert more than two fingers for the sake of pleasure and stimulation?
Signed, Ghetto Boy
Ghetto Boy, We ran this question
by a registered nurse and a nurse practitioner, and got this medical
answer: It really depends on the woman's comfort level. The vagina
is made up of connective tissues, making it slightly expandable.
If more than two fingers are used however, lacerations and abrasions
may occur, which can lead to infection. As for pleasure and stimulation,
be sure your partner really enjoys this type of stimulation. You
may want to ask her what she likes or plainly "What feels good?"
Every female is different. Some women may receive immense pleasure
from one finger, others may want two. The basic idea here is communication.
As an added caution, you might also want to use either finger condoms
or a latex glove to protect you and your partner from STDS such
as HPV (genital warts), Herpes and HIV. Thanks for asking.
EROS, Is it a problem or a
bad unhealthy situation if I'm 21 years old and I'm having a love
affair with a 17 year old girl? Signed, A friend of mine told me.
Friend of Mine, As long as you know
that sex with someone underage (under the age of 18) is technically
illegal and is known as statutory rape. If she or her parents decide
to charge you, you could do jail time. Now, in the larger sense,
4 years is not a huge age gap between partners, and it will seem
smaller as you get older. But there is a difference in emotional
maturity in the teen years. Are you prepared for any consequences
you may face? If she gets pregnant, will you be able to support
her? If either of you get an STD, will you know what to do? If her
parents walk in on you, can you handle it?
EROS, I recently did something
so stupid I am ashamed to even write this. I am in a committed relationship
but was stupidly unfaithful recently. I received oral sex without
a condom. What are my risks for STDs (not just HIV)? How soon should
I be checked? When will I have symptoms, if any? If the person I
was with had an STD, and I caught it, how soon before I become contagious
to my partner? Is she at risk from day 1? Can I even kiss her? I
am going to make an appointment but I could use some peace (or panic)
of mind. Thanks, Bad Mistake
Bad Mistake, The risk of transmission
of STDs and HIV is always present in any unprotected sexual activity.
Whic means in your case, your "committed" partner is at risk from
Day 1. You should be checked for HIV and STDs every 6 months whenever
you are sexually active and with a partner you are unsure of. After
an incident such as you describe, you might want to get checked
within 2-3 weeks, when symptoms may begin to show. You may never
experience any symptoms, so don't let that be your guide.
is possible for you to have an STD that is asymptomatic and this
is why it is important to get checked. If your partner had an STD
and you got it, you could pass it on from Day 1. As to your question
"Can I even kiss her" we are assuming you are asking if an STD enters
your body at one site (your penis), can it leave at another (your
mouth). There are no STDs that are transmitted through saliva, but
blood borne STDs can be transmitted through sores in the mouth,
so HIV could be a problem, for example.
EROS, What literature is out there for people who have
chosen to be abstinent from sexual intercourse but who DO NOT wish
to be NON-sexual individuals. In other words, is there literature
available that explains the many ways people can be intimate and
sensual (even sexual) without having intercourse. Please exclude
all books solely relating to intimate massages... Been There, Done
You've asked a hard question. We're not librarians, but we'll give
it a shot. "Sexual Etiquette 101...and more" is a great pocketbook,
written by college students for college students. It deals with
basic nformation about communication, STDS, contraception, sexual
assault and the human aspect of sexuality. Contact Bridging the
Gap Communications, Inc. at 1 800 721-6990 for a copy.
best pamphlet we've seen to date about this subject is called "101
ways to Make Love Without Doin' it." It's published by ETR and Associates.
Call 1 800 321-4407 for a copy.
will help you get started. But before you run off to a bookstore,
to be abstinent is a wonderful decision, but be aware that different
people set different limits. Communication is therefore very important.
Discuss the limits you set with your partner and learn his/her limits.
Activities for people who choose to abstain can range from hand
holding, hugs, kisses, massages, "dry humping" with clothes on,
to making out over the phone, dancing sexy together, watching your
partner masturbate. Now let your imagination extend this list. Some
people who abstain from intercourse may choose to have "outercourse."
This might include sexual activities which do not involve penetration,
such as oral sex, masturbating your partner, and sex between the
remember, being intimate isn't the only way to let the person close
to you know you care. Saying "I love you" or spending time together
is the number one way to care.