Massage Chairs and The Final battle Of The Governator
Massage chair sales have increased markedly in the last few years, and it's time that our resident robot warrior acts. As massage chairs increase in effectiveness, providing true deep tissue therapy, the nations legion of vicious massage therapists are finding it harder and harder to make a living. California citizens are thus caught between two dark and gathering forces, shiatsu massage chair cyborgs, and the marauding bands of massage therapists and chiropractors that may one day roam our streets.
Massage chairs today are more human than machine. With realistic movements, and even the ability to map the human body structure, these futuristic massage chairs are beginning to blur the line between life and technology. The god-like creators of these man-machines, the Premier massage chair, has shown no remorse. They continue to recklessly produce a shiatsu massage chair with such realistic functions, that some say it can think, and even feel. Premier massage chairs have been sold in California for years, and for a long time, it was unclear what could be done to defeat them. When California's current Governor took office however, it seemed that there was hope yet for the human race. Arnold Schwarzenegger has had a lifetime and two terrible sequels worth of experience battling other types of machine-human hybrids. While most shiatsu massage chairs are not made of liquid metal, the Governor still has an important part to play in the current battle for survival. We must defeat the massage chairs.
Shiatsu massage chairs have the potential to destroy our entire social order, and indeed, civilization itself. By completely eliminating all back pain, these shiatsu massage chairs will destroy the livelihood of millions. Chiropractors, massage therapists, specialty back pain stores, yes... even Advil. The effects could be like nothing we've ever seen before. Massage therapists, despite their friendly demeanor, are vicious killers willing to use any type of hand motion necessary in order to defeat back pain and sciatica. these massage therapists will stop at nothing to relieve stress, and when the final battle between therapist and massage chairs comes, California will be the battleground.
That's why I'm calling on the Governator, history's greatest cyborg-killer and witty one-liner-sayer, to say "hasta la vista" to the shiatsu massage chairs in our midst. I pray you, do not let the Premier massage chairs of today become the T-800 learning computers of tomorrow. Please, Mr. Schwarzenegger, help us defeat the massage chairs.